When what you expect doesn't match what you experience, what do you do?
Ever had this happen? What you expect doesn't match what you experience. We've all been there. And, it happens to us in a lot of areas of our life, not just our marriage relationship.
How do you handle this gap? Do you even recognize the gap? Do you feel helpless to resolve the gap and to keep it from happening so often?
We really only have two choices when we're faced with the gap between what we expect and what we experience. We either choose to believe the best or assume the worst. Our responsibility is to believe the best. Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 13:7 that love "believes all things". Really? Research shows that happy couples choose to believe the best until they can no longer do so.
Our ability to believe the best is based in a large part on how much mutual understanding we have in our relationship. How well do you really know your spouse? Unless you're actively and intentionally learning more about your spouse, unfortunately the answer is probably "not much". Fortunately there are some simple, free tools to help you do this. Two free apps to help in this area are John Gottman's carddecks and Gary Chapman's (of The Five Love Languages fame) love nudge. I also have a set of 7 Levels of Questions that I got from Focus on the Family. Each level of questions has an increased emotional investment in them. By the time you've gone through all seven levels of questions you will not only know more than you ever have known about your spouse, but you will be freely communicating at a deeper level.
If you'd like a copy of the 7 Levels of Questions, just send me an email request.
Remember, it's your choice - every time - what you put in the gap.
MUM's the Word.