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the method

Mutual Understanding Method® is the result of working with couples over the past 16 years.  This common sense approach is based on several tenets:

  • Communication is not the key to your relationship - mutual understanding is.

  • No one has taught us how to do relationships.

  • Most couples do not know their personality types and what "normal" looks like for them.

  • Most people have not been taught how different men and women process life.

  • Most people have not been taught the practical implications of Ephesians 5:33.

  • Most couples don't have an in-depth discussion of expectations before they get married.

  • Most couples haven't seriously studied God's design for marriage.

The first step is to take two different online assessments.  One is a personality assessment - my assessment of choice is the Flag Page.  The other assessment is Prepare/Enrich.


The personality assessment is used in two ways:

  • As a tool to establish you and your spouse's "normal" interaction dynamic

  • As a filter through which to process other relational dynamics such as male/female differences, etc.  Your personality will either exaggerate or diminish certain dynamics

The Prepare/Enrich assessment is an in-depth assessment that allows me to better understand the complex relationship dynamics you are experiencing.

  • During the first session I normally go over the personality assessments (Flag Page) and discuss what "normal" interaction looks like for the two personalities.

  • Based on the couples' expressed needs and the results of their assessments, I may request a one-on-one meeting with each of them before we finalize a plan to move forward.

  • I put together an individualized approach for them as a couple that will lead them to a level of mutual understanding that positions them for marital success. 

  • These plans address the assumptions the Mutual Understanding Method® is based on as well as their unique needs.

  • These plans may involve meeting once a week for up to three to six months.

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